on being a TEACHER.part 2.

oh how i despise the getting-up-in-the-morning thingy.i wake up at 6 a.m. daily. arrive at school about 7.15 a.m.i try my best to stay awake by drinking almost sugarless nescafe at the school cafe.

i kinda like school.i enjoy teaching,no doubt about it.the students are okay, except for this one class.the first time i burst in class.they were form 5 class.boys.the boys were on my nerves.it was hot,i've lotsa works to do,they were sitting for their setara exam and making an awful lot of noise.if i had a gun,i'd shot them with no remorse.or if i had a brass knuckle,i'd punch their faces until they can't be recognized.

of course,i just shout at em.and feel like crying.

that's the downside though.i dont know how to be angry without the need of crying.if i'm too angry,i feel like crying.not a good combination tho.

anyhow, other students were great.my classes are great.i'll miss em i know.
i've got 4 weeks left at school.weee.

cuti nak habis! (sambil tahan kencing)

ok.i'll try to type as fast as possible and get all this thoughts outta my head because i really need to pee.

cuti nak habis! yikes! i spend my five weeks hols sleeping,eating,pissing,shitting, playing wif kimi and akim,dating,those long lrt rides from tmn bahagia to tmn melati,catching up with my besties.

and i re-learn how to drive,and finally have the courage to drive.

spent most of my time downloading songs, tv series (during the 5 weeks hols, baru dapat habis tgk antm cycle 10,criminal minds season 3 and desperate housewives season 4), movies.

well, im embracing the end of my sem break optimistically (not!).anyway, i've peed after the first paragraph.in the toilet of course.

this cough is killing me. *cough*

hari menimbulkan kemarahan pengguna jalan raya :D

here's the story.
i have a driving license.a full one.and yet,i'm re-learning how to drive cause i haven't been driving for the past 2 1/2 years.why is that so? go ask my ayah encik othman.

memang aku dah lupa sungguh everything.the gears,the signals,i took 54 seconds to figure out which is the brake,which is the clutch and which one is for minyak.

i can sense the hints of fear in velloo's eyes. (that poor guy is my driving instructor for the day, yes, he's still alive) but at the end of the day that poor guy will be one rich son of a gun since he charged quite a sum of money for an hour session.

so, there i was, on the road, LDP and Federal to be exact and some parts in PJ and Kelana Jaya, polishing my almost non existent driving skill at barely 40km per hour. haha! it's raining heavily anyway and considering the fact that it was the first time i steer a car after a long period of time,i assume that it's a miracle i can still type this entry.well, it couldn't be that bad kot but seriously i think i hate driving.

it's not meant for me.mungkin aku ditakdirkan untuk pandai menjahit ke, memasak ke, beranak pinak ke,mengajar anak2 yatim di Zimbabwe ke, but driving to me, is hard. yay,hit me hit me but i dont know why it is so difficult for me.

now i'm going to celebrate my accomplishment ( no injury be it physical or emotional, just kena 3 kali hon and dua kali mati enjin at traffic light) with lots and lots of chocolate ice cream.

you are the same decaying organic matter as everything else :)

"You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else." - Tyler Druden

man i like that quote.i think we are all the same.we'll rot to dirt when our time comes. you wont evolve into some kind of Monarch butterfly or turn your bones and flesh into diamonds or amethysts or rose quartzs. you'll become dirt and devoured by worms.and then you'll ask yourself "do i deserve all this?" hell yeah.

anyway, what i really need right now is for Tyler Druden to put a gun at the back of my head and do that thing in Fight Club where he's threatening this guy;the time where he's doing his 'human sacrifice'. i need that kind of extreme shock so that i will know what i am going to do in the future.so that i will voice it out loud,even if i'll tremble in fear or shit my pants.that chinese guy wanted to be a vet.i hope i know what i'm going to be.so that i wont end up dead in another 6 weeks if im not pursuing that dream.

but getting killed by Brad Pitt isnt really that bad dont you think so?

i sometimes think that sex is repulsive.

or revolting.whatever.how could one watch too many porns? it's not that i'm asexual or anything but really,i do have the notion sometimes.sometimes.

oh,i should have so many reasons to NOT be unhappy right now.at least i should be thankful with what i have in my life.do you know why i should not be unhappy?

at least i have a room and i'm not sleeping on a war torn poverty stricken streets or hoodlums.

i still have my parents and family and friends, though i could be a jackass around them sometimes. at least i'm not an orphan taking care of my 6 sick siblings with no one to turn to, no relatives, no helps (yes,i'm quoting from Idol Gives Back, it's heartbreaking you should watch em,it makes you feel small and shitty when you complain about not having enough of things while all those children don't have anybody in the world except for some torn up pictures of their deceased parents)

i have all my limbs,i'm healthy though i have a decreasing vision.and bad bad bad skin condition.

i know where this entry will lead.it will be corny so i might just stop.i think we all should just be grateful.we may have lots of shits to deal with but other people need to deal with shits greater than ours.

because i could not stop for death

Because I could not stop for Death –
He kindly stopped for me – 
The Carriage held but just Ourselves – 
And Immortality.

We slowly drove – He knew no haste
And I had put away
My labor and my leisure too,
For His Civility –

We passed the School, where Children strove
At Recess – in the Ring – 
We passed the Fields of Gazing Grain – 
We passed the Setting Sun –

Or rather – He passed us –
The Dews drew quivering and chill –
For only Gossamer, my Gown –
My Tippet – only Tulle –

We paused before a House that seemed
A Swelling of the Ground –
The Roof was scarcely visible –
The Cornice – in the Ground –

Since then – 'tis Centuries – and yet
Feels shorter than the Day
I first surmised the Horses' Heads
Were toward Eternity

by Emily Dickinson

i do utter the word ’fuck’

oukay.if you fail to know me in real life, i don't mind telling you again from the beginning.

my name is Nur Afifah.Just call me Epi or Fifa but never Ifah.
i am 21 this year and my birthday is on February 14.i'm from Kelana Jaya but currently residing in Shah Alam.i'm a B.Ed TESL student of UiTM Shah Alam.i'm in part 6.i'll be graduating in 2009,insyaallah.

i'm a geek seriously but not in a tech manner.i'm clueless about technology, sort of.i love reading.sometimes i choose reading over going out.i read fictions, non fictions, whatever that is not too soppy or corny.

i love music.who doesn't.i listen to pretty much everything except the rave,techno whatever you call it,.can't stand the noise.but metal is not a noise.i'm not labelling myself as a metalhead warrior or anything but i do love the kind of music.and no, i don't listen to them just because my boyfriend listens to them too.i hate that kind of stereotyping.it's degrading.

i listen to oldies too you know.some blues.some Rachmaninoff and Tchaikovsky.and rock kapak.i like sad songs.i'm a sucker for sadness.however, there is one song i particularly despise, sung by Ne Yo.i dont like that kind of songs either.gives me headache.those too tacky RnBs or pops.

but generally i am a happy person.i'm loud.at times obnoxious.i talk a lot, with the people i am close with.i am easily amused.you'll catch me grinning during unnecessary occasions.i smile and laugh easily.

the kind of people that i don't fancy are rude people, snobby well i guess nobody likes that kind of people.we all are made of dirt, and everything that god gave us could be gone in a split second, don't you think so?

i'm trying to embrace life in a positive manner.but hey, im a human and sometimes i curse eveything that is on my way.

and by the way, i am a soft hearted girl.let see,hmm, i cried occasionally watching Bersamamu.my jaw ached from holding back the tears while watching Annie Lennox segment in the Idol Gives Back show. hell yeah, tears welled up in my eyes upon listening to Martina McBride's Concrete Angel. i am particularly soft hearted on any child issue or anything involving the less fortunate ones.

i'm not a picky person.i'm not picky about most of the things in life.but i don't eat beef or mutton.i'm not a vegan cause i eat chicken and seafoods.

i like quotes.random quotes.i do.well, guess i'll just add up later. thanks for reading!

UNhappiness.

you know the feeling.of deep unhappiness.you listen to happy songs.watch lots of funny clips.see the smiles of your child.look at the blue sky and all that shit.and still. you are unhappy.i am unhappy.

my problem is i'm a sucker for sad songs.i even downloaded the 25 saddest songs of all time:depressing music and their lyrics.

i must have been crazy or something.i wonder why it is, each time when you fight life, life always win.no matter what.no matter how hard you swing.

yes i'm quoting songs in this entry.so what.

i dont want to turn into a bitter old lady.my days are supposed to be filled with joy, ecstasy,delirium,all sorts of happiness.

these hormones are raging dude.its driving me crazy.i feel crazy.

i shall stop.