unanswered/oblivion

via Postsecret

where do i stand
precisely?
out of the skeletons
in your closet
under your bed
inside your bed

out of the women
that you painted
that you wrote
that you sung
that you consumed
that you devoured
where do i stand,
precisely.

on top of your lungs?
in between your neurons?
inside your left ventricle?
in your colon?
under your tongue?
deep inside your
gut?

or am i not inside you
or outside you
have i vanished?
have i vapor?
into the air you don't breath?

will i find me in standing in you?

November 20,2009. 8.45 p.m.

when it is no longer a promise but a threat

Ben Franklin said "do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen.keep in the sunlight".

i'm not being an overtly pessimist but it's pretty cloudy lately.it's troublesome and worrisome. of course i want to be drenched in the sunlight and experience the sweet delirium of life and the future.

i'm not saying that my future is bleak.i'll be fine.

i thought future is that place filled with promises and hope but day by day i'm starting to see the dark side of it.

it's threatening.with claws reaching behind my back waiting to strike my jugular.

. via PostSecret

a conversation with gaiman on a late afternoon

he said

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up these defenses, you build this whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They do something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own any more. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. not just in the mind. It's a soul hurt, a body hurt, a real gets inside you and rips you apart pain. I hate love"

i said

"that's true mr.gaiman,it eats you out.love takes hostages.well said.but i don't hate love and i never will"

p/s : gaiman as in neil.

december december

it's almost december.

12 months.what have i done in the past almost 12 months.let me seeeeee.hm.

1. i finished my bachelor's degree. (all the thesis, the graduation which i will never forget - not because of the glorious joy- no)
2. got a job.
3. not anymore.
4. will continue my master's degree.
5. fell out of love. (it seems like a curse that my love life always end up after a year)
6. well, maybe that's all, maybe not.

my life is not THAT interesting.i don't hangout with celebrities.or do coke.or have a rockstar boyfriend i end up touring the States with them.no, i have a simple, ordinary life.

which i love, maybe.i don't know.don't ask me now.because right now,i crave....

peace of mind.

ciao bella! (no, not that sparkly vampire's girlfriend)

for now, i can't see the silver lining.not yet.

my life - it's spiraling downwards.

yes so i sucked at long distance relationship, yeah it's my fault.

the thing that i enjoyed doing, i don't think it's THAT enjoyable anymore.it's just, hard. (no i'm not talking about love, i'm talking about something else)

i just want to shut down shut off what ever it is.

but secretly, i'm praying to God "make it go away,all of 'em".

loveless.

i haven't been writing for almost a month now.

i don't feel like writing.to me, it's like talking, with different muscle and limbs.i talk every day, every single day, to 26 or 33 people everyday.

but i love my job,i enjoy teaching,i always do.

i'll talk about something else (write). about love perhaps.

i'm 22, i thought i know what love is.never have i realized that there's a lot more to learn about love when you're 22.

the concept of soulmate,lately, i have not been able to grasp the concept clearly because love spells bullshit currently.

i want to feel love,i want to drown in love,i want to breathe love.

but i just can't feel it this time around.

and i have a boyfriend for crying out loud. sigh.

okay okay okay.

nine days hiatus.i shall be updating about my life, now.

things are pretty much okay i guess. my classes are all okay, except for hmm,i don't think blogging about it would be a good idea but everything is okay,so far.i don't feel stressed out or whatsoever but some small, little things are bothering my mind.

small things,like insects.pests.nuisance.but no, it's not insects that are bothering me yeah.

i think that's it.

okay is good for now, don't you think?