december december

it's almost december.

12 months.what have i done in the past almost 12 months.let me seeeeee.hm.

1. i finished my bachelor's degree. (all the thesis, the graduation which i will never forget - not because of the glorious joy- no)
2. got a job.
3. not anymore.
4. will continue my master's degree.
5. fell out of love. (it seems like a curse that my love life always end up after a year)
6. well, maybe that's all, maybe not.

my life is not THAT interesting.i don't hangout with celebrities.or do coke.or have a rockstar boyfriend i end up touring the States with them.no, i have a simple, ordinary life.

which i love, maybe.i don't know.don't ask me now.because right now,i crave....

peace of mind.

ciao bella! (no, not that sparkly vampire's girlfriend)

for now, i can't see the silver lining.not yet.

my life - it's spiraling downwards.

yes so i sucked at long distance relationship, yeah it's my fault.

the thing that i enjoyed doing, i don't think it's THAT enjoyable anymore.it's just, hard. (no i'm not talking about love, i'm talking about something else)

i just want to shut down shut off what ever it is.

but secretly, i'm praying to God "make it go away,all of 'em".

loveless.

i haven't been writing for almost a month now.

i don't feel like writing.to me, it's like talking, with different muscle and limbs.i talk every day, every single day, to 26 or 33 people everyday.

but i love my job,i enjoy teaching,i always do.

i'll talk about something else (write). about love perhaps.

i'm 22, i thought i know what love is.never have i realized that there's a lot more to learn about love when you're 22.

the concept of soulmate,lately, i have not been able to grasp the concept clearly because love spells bullshit currently.

i want to feel love,i want to drown in love,i want to breathe love.

but i just can't feel it this time around.

and i have a boyfriend for crying out loud. sigh.

okay okay okay.

nine days hiatus.i shall be updating about my life, now.

things are pretty much okay i guess. my classes are all okay, except for hmm,i don't think blogging about it would be a good idea but everything is okay,so far.i don't feel stressed out or whatsoever but some small, little things are bothering my mind.

small things,like insects.pests.nuisance.but no, it's not insects that are bothering me yeah.

i think that's it.

okay is good for now, don't you think?

hole in my heart

there's a hole in my heart in which it simply can't be filled with anything.

nothing.really.

it feels like a mad longing and the emptiness is aching for something.and it's tearing me down.

but this is all temporary i know and i'll get better before i know it.

i'll get used to the emptiness eventually and it will soon diminish.

p/s : it's hard being a girl because once a month, you'll come out with random emotional rambling like the one above. sometimes twice a month or worse, thrice.

clouds and their silver lining

since everyone is updating their new lives as etc etc in etc etc, i should do the same too.

haha.

i'm teaching three classes. one ESLS class and another two IELTS classes.16 credit hours.
so far, i'm having quite a good time in intec.

really,i'm quite surprised myself.

i believe in this saying 'experience is what you get when you don't get what you wanted'. i was being so whiny and whimpy earlier i know, but yeah, things are catching up.

i am contented.

alhamdulillah. :)

selfish list, i miss.

i miss...

1. staying up and sleeping in.

2. i miss watching the people go by outside Cendana when i was inside, listening to counseling lectures, i never was a fan of tesl square since my route was class-home-class-home, but i miss it there.

3. sleeping with my best friend, Shairah Hana (not in a way that you would imagine yea, we have separate mattress)

4. singing rock kapaks during cheap karaoke session

5. taking the train after class so that i could hang out and stay up late some more

6. walking to Cili Merah with Ain

7. most of my friends, their quirks and all

damn i feel nostalgic.