Thursday, January 29, 2009

you've been tagged!

1. Copy badge “2008 Cute’s 3logger Award” di atas untuk diletakkan di blog anda.
2. Link/ceritakan kembali siapa yang memberikan award ini kepada anda.

- oh,this is given by Ja Ja.she's this beautiful girl i know from Internet.she's a friend of a friend too so its a small and wonderful world we're living in.thanks sweet. :)

3. Setiap blogger mesti menyatakan 10 fakta/hobi diri sendiri sebelum memilih penerima award seterusnye (anda di-tag).

1. i'm a nerd really.not cool.

2. i eat a lot.more than you do, trust me.

3. i'm terrified of dogs.and worms.and dead cicak.

4. i love to sleep, who doesnt.

5. i can't drive.

6. i can't swim.

7. i think i'm a chronic channel surfer.

8. i love public transport (refer to question #5)

can i skip question 9 and 10? definitely.

4. Anda perlu memilih 5 penerima award seterusnye dan menyatakan nama mereka di blog anda.

- falliq

- adeb

- elly

- ili

- leen

5. Jangan lupe melawat blog kawan anda dan meninggalkan komen yang menyatakan mereka telah ditag.

- i'll try! ;)

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

little girl blue

oh makin hari hati makin berat lah.i feel like a walking time bomb.someone is leaving pretty soon and i'm pretty sure that i am sad about it yet i feel overwhelmed to that someone for getting such great opportunity.

i listen to Janis' Little Girl B
lue over and over again.i feel like she's singing to me and it sounds so true and heartbreaking,these are the words Miss Janis sang to me.totally relatable.

"Little Girl Blue"

Sit there, hmm, count your fingers.
What else, what else can you do ?
Oh and I know how you feel,
I know you feel that you’re through.
Oh wah wah ah sit there, hmm, count,
Ah, count your little fingers,
My unhappy oh little girl, little girl blue, yeah.

Oh sit there, oh count those raindrops
Oh, feel ’em falling down, oh honey all around you.
Honey don’t you know it’s time,
I feel it’s time,
Somebody told you ‘cause you got to know
That all you ever gonna have to count on
Or gonna wanna lean on
It’s gonna feel just like those raindrops do
When they’re falling down, honey, all around you.
Oh, I know you’re unhappy.

Oh sit there, ah go on, go on
And count your fingers.
I don’t know what else, what else
Honey have you got to do.
And I know how you feel,
And I know you ain’t got no reason to go on
And I know you feel that you must be through.
Oh honey, go on and sit right back down,
I want you to count, oh count your fingers,
Ah my unhappy, my unlucky
And my little, oh, girl blue.
I know you’re unhappy,
Ooh ah, honey I know,
Baby I know just how you feel.

she's a damn great singer.there's no one quite like her one can replace her.
and no one can replace that person who is leaving.hmm.

Monday, January 26, 2009

i succumb to darkness

i'm not thinking about dark or morbid thoughts,no i don't.the darkness simply refers to,uhm, the darkness.being in a cool, dark room especially when you are damn tired and sleepy is pure heaven.

i don't sleep with the light on, even if i'm afraid of something or there's something bugging my mind e.g horror and hantu images,i'll sleep without the light.

i love my KJ has poor lighting and i can't see anything even if its 1300 hours and its sunny outside.with the fan blowing and the curtains down, i can sleep all day.

really, i really can.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

a quarter chinese.

that's true y'all.this isn't a lie.most or almost everyone of you did not know that i am a quarter chinese, grandmother is a chinese.i know it's hard to believe since my complexion doesn't do me any justice in convincing that i have chinese blood running in my veins.

but no, i don't know any of my Chinese relatives since my grandmother is adopted by a Malay family during the Japanese occupation.i never have the chance to know them.maybe i'm related to Daniel Wu.maybe.

it's funny,not knowing your can't possibly just popped here out of nowhere.i long to know my family history (my father's side) but i just don't know genogram is just a huge tree without names.i shall do some research in the future.

anyhow, Happy Chinese New Year to those who are celebrating.and to a quarter Chinese in me.


of twenty four movies.

it's the mid semester break.such a brilliant idea to ship us back home after three weeks of studies. whose idea is that anyway.pfft. but i need this week i guess.i've got twenty four movies in my hard drive,ranging from Space Chimps to Valkyrie and Gran Torino.i'm currently reading a few books (non academics) but i do need to get some reading done on Family Therapy.and search a few articles here and there, evaluate an ESL website.i'm not complaining, not at all but one week is not enough.time speeds like a Ferrari you know.and after this, we won't be having any breaks or cuti umum.lucky we only got 3 days of class per week.or i might not make out of this place alive.

so this holiday is all about movies and books.i'm pretty lame you know, you should have known by now. ;)

happy or should i say unhappy holiday everyone. cheers.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

an emotional occasion.

today was a blast.i went to visit Bella's baby.oh i don't want to go into birth is not like pooping constipated shits.the baby boy name is rizki adha.such a beautiful name for a beautiful baby.i don't know why but i'm so full of emotions today.seeing Bella and her baby, listening to the pain she has to go through makes me feel, i don't know this's not a sad feeling or whatsoever but i feel, like there's a bunch of thorny roses growing in my feels great partly melancholic.

can i be a mother? oh i love babies and children but i'll take my time.i'll have my own children someday.but not today, or 2,3 years from now.maybe when i can function like a real lady? oh, and i should get married first.

and then there's sya's wedding.i feel emotional again because i feel happy for's good to see almost everyone be married to someone you love is be somebody's wife is a huge're starting a whole new chapter in your be frank, i don't think i can be a wife yet. almost everyone views marriage as a once in a lifetime thing (except for men, i assume). it's a huge sacrifice, a noble one i share your life with wake up everyday besides have children and grow old together.ok now, can i rewind to the "to be frank..." statement above?

i do want to get married,right now if i have to.but amsterdam wait for me.

Friday, January 23, 2009

i like the way you look at me.

oh your eyes searching into mine.i like the way you look at make me my heart beats like a heavy metal drum.don't you know how bad i want you to be mine.oh so make every fibers in my body melt like a bowl of ice cream under a hot steaming sun.

oh we could have been so perfect together.but i really like the way you look at me.your eyes eyeing my laughter.and then i smile sheepishly.

oh how i long to be in your arms.marry me dave.

p/s: dave as in dave grohl.he's on the desktop.

ha ha.

she's 23.

today is my best friend's birthday. she's 23 now. i've been wishing her since she was 19.time flies like a speeding would be the last birthday i would tell her 'happy birthday' face to face as a room mate. *sigh*.

the thoughts of leaving all these scared the shit out of me.adulthood is just can't turn back time.

to shairah hana (not that she'll read this), i'm wishing her the very best in life and i love her so damn much!

The distance between you and I
Is only a heartbeat away,
For you and I dwell in each other's heart -
There forever we will stay.

Monday, January 19, 2009

bapak gua beb

bapak gua ni beb.kau tengok seluar dia.bukan main yengki.lagha juga muda muda.hehe.

puisi tak jadi lagi.

dengung dengung
di gegendang telinga ku
menjadi semakin kuat

zarah zarah
bunyi nya
menusuk segenap koklea

dentum dentum
itu merobek robek
neuron neuron segar
otak kecil ku

ah gema itu
suara itu
jeritan itu

mungkin kah aku?

nak pekak kot sebab banyak
sangat dengar lagu grindcore.


Sunday, January 18, 2009

dia dah kahwin dah pun.

lots and lots of my friends are getting married.i went to a wedding mom's cousin which happen to be 2 years older than i am.we went to the same kindergarten while i was living with my nenek.we played together at the kebun getah andnow she is mrs.somebody.

people do that i guess.they grow up, they go different paths in life, they don't talk much to each other anymore and then they're married.i don't know if it's just me but Iena is the only childhood friend that i can hangout with and we can talk about stuffs.she is still my best friend, from 1994 and counting.

we grow up and just become different people.

anyhows,sya's wedding is on the 24th.i've cleared my schedule,ahem,one month earlier.there's no way i'm going to miss her wedding.

two or three years from now,when our age range is around 24-26, i'll be receiving truckloads of invitation i assume.everyone will be married by then.

me? i'm going to taste a homemade hash cookies in an Amsterdam's bar first.then i'll say "I do".


Saturday, January 17, 2009

i'm laughing at you.

life is unfair and funny.sometimes.most of the times.
you can't always get what you want.that's the rule with just can't.
that favorite pair of shoes,is size 5 when you wear size 8. your favorite nasi ayam is a sell out on 1300 hrs.the one you loved most leaves you when you need them more than ever.

you just can't have everything you want,can you?

but i'm not angry,i'm not mad, maybe a little upset because you can't fight always win, always.

hey life,i'm laughing at can't get can't touch me.

you can't defeat me.

puisi tak jadi.

aku umpama arsenik
yang berenang dalam jus oren
yang bakal kau minum

aku umpama api
dan kau kupu kupu
kau bakal terbakar

aku umpama duri
di dalam daging
yang bakal bernanah

aku tipu je.

haha.cannot be a poet lah begini. :P

Friday, January 16, 2009

klinik kerajaan.

memang saya suka pergi klinik kerajaan.sebab dia dekat sebelah rumah je.3 minit jalan kaki dah sampai.lepas tu bayar seringgit je boleh dapat ubat macam2.pergi klinik swasta dia bagi panadol and vitamin C dah dua angka harganya.

teringat pula cerita Michael Moore yang berjudul Sicko tu (saya suka filem2 dia).Malaysia's Healthcare system tidak lah yang teratas sekali ( it would be France), tapi okay juga lah.kurang valid sikit kot sbb WHO punya rank ialah pada tahun 2000.maybe things are getting better in some countries.

tapi betul ke universal healthcare tu menjurus ke communism macam yang diperkatakan dalam Sicko.tapi itu Reagan yang cakaplah pada tahun 1960.America satu satunya developed nation yang tiada universal healthcare system.hmm.

i think we are all least I can pay RM1 for consultations or blood test and drugs.
tak jadi lah nak bermastautin di New York.

rasa macam kesian dan insaf.

kesian juga dekat Pn.xxxx yang mengajar kami satu subjek ni.she's a great lecturer honestly but we are like zombies.questions after questions went unanswered.we are bachelor of education students yet we don't know who the eff paolo freire is.

yes skinner, pavlov, maslow, piaget would be the only names we managed to remember.the dog and the bell,who could forget such theory.

it makes me wonder,what do i learn sitting there on the chair behind the desk years after years.
it makes me fill a little shitty and it hits me hard.

but not that hard yet.

i think we are way too lost in our own world and thoughts.


Friday, January 9, 2009

rasa macam Si Tenggang's Homecoming.

well it has been a week.i am not that excited,coming back to class and all but since i got three days of classes per week, i am not complaining that much.ha ha.we dont have classes on monday and friday, the courses are pretty tough but we'll manage.this is the 8th semester,we'll brave through like Lance Armstrong in Tour De France.

anyhows,i feel like an,i'll rephrase.being the oldest (by semester) students at the faculty, i feel like a stranger.every time i step my feet on the TESL square, everyone becomes a stranger. except a few la such as my classmates and a handful of juniors.i feel has been five damn years being a B.Ed student.the same class, the same old same old.and i'll leave this place in no longer than 4 months or less.

i'll miss the place for sure.maybe.


Sunday, January 4, 2009

aku mahu cinta yang begini.

this is such a lovely poem.

True Love by Judith Viorst

It is true love because
I put on eyeliner and a concerto and make pungent observations about the great issues of the day
Even when there's no one here but him,
And because
I do not resent watching the Green Bay Packer
Even though I am philosophically opposed to football,
And because
When he is late for dinner and I know he must be either having an affair or lying dead in the middle of the street,
I always hope he's dead.

It's true love because
If he said quit drinking martinis but I kept drinking them and the next morning I couldn't get out of bed,
He wouldn't tell me he told me,
And because
He is willing to wear unironed undershorts
Out of respect for the fact that I am philosophically opposed to ironing,
And because
If his mother was drowning and I was drowning and he had to choose one of us to save,
He says he'd save me.

It's true love because
When he went to San Francisco on business while I had to stay home with the painters and the exterminator and the baby who was getting the chicken pox,
He understood why I hated him,
And because
When I said that playing the stock market was juvenile and irresponsible and then the stock I wouldn't let him buy went up twenty-six points,
I understood why he hated me,
And because
Despite cigarette cough, tooth decay, acid indigestion, dandruff, and other features of married life that tend to dampen the fires of passion,
We still feel something
We can call
True love.

lets get married yall.

lelaki ini.

dem la so hot dem.aum aum aum.

meet Dave Grohl.he is the sex.

oh i'm procrastinating like faks.gila malas weh.demmit.shall listen to Dave's voice for inspiration.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

death ends a life, not a relationship.

there will be a kenduri arwah at my grandma's place this's for my late grandfather and it has been three years.21st January 2006.that's when he left us seems like yesterday.he is still my grandfather, my true hero.

yes sometimes I wonder what does death feels like.I used to be so morbid when i was much younger.i pictured my funeral all the know, when you get so frustrated with everyone and you wish you would just a teen,i want to be dead all the time.but i haven't feel that stupid morbid feeling for a very very long time and i am so glad.

my late atuk is the greatest man.he used to be the ONLY man i love.but now, of course i love my father, my brother and all the guys that deserved to be loved.

dah lama tak mimpi dia.the last dream I remember, I was hugging him. He was wearing a white Pagoda shirt and a pelekat.and I can SMELL him.the sweet strong musky smell, it's not a fragrance but it is his scent.and I was crying while hugging him and smelling him.

well i wake up crying missing every part of him terribly.i shall see him again in my dreams sometimes.

people are strange.

People are strange when you're a stranger
Faces look ugly when you're alone
Women seem wicked when you're unwanted
Streets are uneven when you're down.

-People are Strange by Jim Morrison-

i have to agree.

who are you?

itulah soalan yang dilontarkan oleh the new lecturer in the new class tu.the song who are you by the who filled up my mind instantly.

i am the type of person who avoid this kind of questions.all those questions that require deep thinking and searching to the tiniest'll give you the truth dude.and i am scared of the truth.
really you will be scared too if you really really know who i am.

but lets just assume i am a simple and nice girl.i am.really.there's no big secrets or what so ever.i've never killed anyone.i didnt even litter so how could i offend the law.haha.but yeah i've answered 'hamba Allah' in the new class. 'hamba yang macam mana.hamba yang hina?'.

yes i guess that is right people.i am hamba Allah yang hina lagi fakir.

peace y'all.