hating the unhappiness.

i am unhappy.and i'm hating it.

how could a person tolerate such emotions.hatred and unhappiness altogether.it's like arsenic and cyanide, and drinking them raw. to add to that, i feel a pang of regret throbbing underneath my skin.on top of it all, i also feel incompetent, inept as if all the confidence in me has suddenly left for a vacation somewhere in the Arctic territory and the plane they were traveling on, exploded mid air, in the frozen Arctic air.leaving no survivor.

i am holding on to the morsels of confidence left, about 2 milligrams of it.

i am scared, like a child parting with his mother for the very first time.

i always choose to plunge headfirst into a terrible bad mood, experiencing major anxiety and relentless excessive thinking.

i feel like i can't be fixed. these, these stupid thoughts in me, they are going to stay.i don't want them to.

i feel weak, but i keep the game face on every hours and it was getting tiresome.

i still hate driving.i do.i really do.

the unhappiness and the driving, UGH.i drive like a broccoli.if the broccoli were to grow limbs with no brain, they will probably drive better than me.

off topic, referring to the previous post, i don't think i have the rights to blame anyone if i'm not getting what i want.because in the first place, i don't even know what i want.i have no clue.i was an indecisive wreck.

i'm thinking of seeing a psychiatrist or a counselor perhaps.or perhaps talk to God more often.