death ends a life, not a relationship.

there will be a kenduri arwah at my grandma's place this sunday.it's for my late grandfather and it has been three years.21st January 2006.that's when he left us all.it seems like yesterday.he is still my grandfather, my true hero.

yes sometimes I wonder what does death feels like.I used to be so morbid when i was much younger.i pictured my funeral all the time.you know, when you get so frustrated with everyone and you wish you would just die.as a teen,i want to be dead all the time.but i haven't feel that stupid morbid feeling for a very very long time and i am so glad.

my late atuk is the greatest man.he used to be the ONLY man i love.but now, of course i love my father, my brother and all the guys that deserved to be loved.

dah lama tak mimpi dia.the last dream I remember, I was hugging him. He was wearing a white Pagoda shirt and a pelekat.and I can SMELL him.the sweet strong musky smell, it's not a fragrance but it is his scent.and I was crying while hugging him and smelling him.

well i wake up crying missing every part of him terribly.i shall see him again in my dreams sometimes.